Who Am I?
Again, i find myself wondering about who i once was. Since the loss of my memory my thought has been bent on trying to remember, trying to recall anything that may answer questions i have about who i am. How long have i been wandering aimlessly through this life? What kind of life did i once lead? It seems that my life now is constructed of endless torture, an endless nightmare. There are always battles to fight, always blood, always death. I know this life is constructed because even if i allow myself to be beaten in combat i’m resurrected back to continue on. Like a pawn in an evil gods chess game. An endless death match with no ability to win.
How long has this gone on? How long must i fight this endless battle? How many souls must i take before i’m allowed to find piece? Questions, always more questions. Never answers. I often wonder about my past but as time goes on i think of it less and less. The madness of being stuck in this endless life takes its toll. Am i insane, or is this normal? I must find answers somehow, and if i cant find answers i must find reason or even purpose to this life, else i will go insane beyond control. How long have i debated these questions in my mind? How long?
Often the questions resurface after a battle. Was this man i just killed leading the same life as me? Is he stuck in this same endless game? I do not know. All i can say is i hope he finds his piece. Thats the only purpose i have found so far, maybe i can help others find their piece since i cannot find mine. But is that the only purpose i can hope for? I feel like i must have been a person of good in the past. I seem to be able to help heal others during battle and only certain people of faith have that power. So is this my purpose? Find others that need aid and help them continue this endless fight? Or kill those seeking my death? More questions, more unanswerable questions…. always more…..
I am not a werewolf or a vampire, that i do know. I have no special powers to aid me other than bringing harm to others or healing my allies, if i find any…..i feel im losing control of my mind in this maddening game of endless torture….How long must i endure this madness? Do i endure it or redirect it towards another in rage? How long? When does it end? I have started to take note of my thoughts to help me keep some sanity. Time passes slow but the notes are not helping, i keep forgetting what i just wrote down yesturday. Plagued by questions, finding no answers, taking note of nothing changing…..
I must find a greater purpose, some sanity in this life……or lose my sanity and wander aimlessly unto eternity…..
I have found others that i might call my allies. Finally some since of sanity in this maddening game… A group called the Undead Lords. Approached by a Scribe of this guild, Lady Salina, they have welcomed me into their fold, but i was warned that my joining their ranks would have requirements. At first i was made a Minion, a person of little value in the ranking structure. Knights are the only ones that hold true value. I must be ready to fight, or to aid those fighting at a moments notice, attend Knightings when called and be helpful however i can. Most importantly i must help collect souls for the god Myrkul! This is key to this groups survival.
These lords of undead are tasked in this endless game to collect souls specificially for their one true god. Their charter lists this requirement as such:
We are the children of Myrkul, God of the Dead, beloved of Him and blessed with His touch of Undeath by His will. All power acquired is attributed to Him. His true name is holy and shall not be spoken of by any but His most faithful followers. Should any but the Chosen speak His name their lives and very souls shall be forfeit unto Him whether they are momentary ally or lifelong foe. It is our duty to harvest for Him the souls of all that oppose Him or fail to bow before His will. In doing so we work to accumulate the power to bring Him into the realms in which He should rightfully rule and to spread his terror across the land according to the Undead Lords law founded upon His edicts and consecrated in the blood of the innocent. He is the only reason and purpose for our existence and there are no other Gods before Him.
A Person of Little Value or a Person of no Value
I have only been with this guild a short time, but it seems i have been noticed by others. Im not sure if its potential they see in me or just someone who may be a good servant. Either way i was offered a chance to move up in ranks within the guild. I was given the opportunity to perform a right of passage and become a squire. Little did i know what this meant at the time. I was hoping for potential but i may be wrong. Before i knew my right of passage was accepted i was being treated worse than the scum of the earth. Being told what is expected of me, my duties, how i must act towards any Knight in the guild. I quickly learned this was the life of a squire, a person of lesser than nil value. Someone not worth speaking too but fully expecting tasks to be done without question. I laughed silently at my first impression of moving up in ranks. This to me felt like moving down. Either way this is a welcoming change to the mind numbing neverending questions of my being that borderline insanity.
Daily tasks, how many daily tasks must i perform? More questions to add to the list…..
I was given a mentor who also has been appointed Warlord, Lord Pest. He “advised” me on all the “tasks” i must be mindful of, and i must note that these seemingly endless and seemingly minor tasks seemed extremely unimportant or even downright degrading at times. However, i must be mindful of my rank and place in this guild, they are great allies to have at your side on the battlefield. His “advising” seemed harsh and often times brutal, but i have seen worse in this forgotten life. The tasks are not necessarily important as learning my place as a squire and possible earning a place as a Knight, if i ever make it. Often brutal in his approach, they understand my life somehow, they know i cannot find piece even if i die, so several times if i failed as his squire i would be forced to kill myself. Usually a cliff would suffice or just be sent forward to be overrun by our enemy. He knew i would return and im guessing he would hope i had learned some lesson. Whatever the reason i followed without question. Whats the worse that could happen? I could find piece finally would be the only alternate outcome…..
Recently the Knights of the guild called for me by name. They had a new task i must perform if i ever wanted a chance to leave this squirehood behind and possibly move up in rank again *chuckles*. Im starting to think they just enjoy seeing squires die, and die often. The task does not seem that difficult, collect souls and show proof of their capture. This seems like our normal daily routine really, though there must be some purpose to this. So i set out with two other squires to start my task, find souls, collect them for Myrkul and hope for the best…..
Joined UDL in March, 2014
Squired to Lord Pest April, 2014
Knighted May 27, 2014
Elder Scrolls Online